Modesty

So, I want to talk about something that's a recurring popular issue and I'm probably going to get into hot water about it, too. See, I'm going to talk about modesty... from a guy's perspective.

Now, I've read many blogs and articles from the perspectives of religious fundamentalists, femininists, pop culture writers, clothing designers, and young, modern Christian women. I've seen articles claiming it's the guy's responsibility and some saying it's the ladies' responsibility, but they're usually all from a lady's perspective (with exception to certain fundamentalist voices staunchly proclaiming that it is the ladies' responsibility).

What I have not heard, however, is the perspective of a conservative, Christian, 20-something guy. Hence, this blog.

The three main views I have found are:

• Conservative, pro-modesty (e.g. this passage, blog which I cannot find)
• Feminist, anti-modesty (e.g. this author)
• Feminist, pro-modesty (e.g. this article, activist)

For any of you caught off-guard at the third, so was I, but I digress.

I want you to take a look at that first link, the Bible passage. It's one often used to discuss modesty and often, it's used heavy-handedly. I want to draw your attention to one phrase, five words, that stands out to me: "... with decency and good sense..."

Well, as we all know, decency means conforming to a standard of respectability, right? Well let's also tale the word apart. Decency can also mean "being decent" (decent, of course meaning appropriate, marked by moral integrity, conforming to standards of propriety, etc). Additionally, good sense means, well, good sense.

Now, let's look at the issue. The most common reason Christians advocate modesty is to prevent a man from lusting and falling into sin (that's the common, layman's opinion anyways). The first feminist perspective is a reaction to this idea, saying that modesty is one of men's ways of impressing their dominance on women and the second feminist perspective is a reaction to the first saying, "It didn't work; women are more marginalized and mistreated, especially sexually."

So, whose responsibility is it, men's or women's?

I say both.

Men, frankly, you are told to stay away from lust by Christ Himself when He equated lust with committing adultery.

Women, how can I put this? Let me give you an illustration. Let's use the stereotype that women love chocolate. If a woman is trying to avoid having chocolate, it can be fairly easy if she only sees chocolate once or twice during the day. Conversely, if every person she passes throughout the day is carrying chocolate and a sign saying "Free Chocolate," it become so much more likely that her defenses will be worn through and she'll break down and eat some chocolate.

What I'm trying to say is that men love the female form and, unfortunately, far too many of us  try, covertly or overtly, to ogle, peer at, admire, stare at it. This is wrong, I will admit that; it dehumanizes women and demeans them in the men's minds. Then there are the few, the [sometimes] strong who try their very hardest to look each woman they see in the eye and only the eye. I consider myself one such man.

It's hard. It's even harder when talking to or seeing a woman wearing, for example, a top with a large decolletage or clothes that show every "hidden" curve. It's hardest when a fair majority of women are wearing such clothes. Even business/work clothes show or "hint" at the woman's entire body and let's not even start on the beach!* 

It's not just about the clothes, though. Actions play a significant role, too. Remember the small fact that people were offering chocolate in the story? An attitude of immodesty makes it just as hard, if not more so, for guys.

How, then, does being free from modesty empower women? If anything, it makes women more victims to men's lusts and desires at the same time as it wears away at men's defenses and, after the wall has fallen (if it was even there to begin with), it often feeds men's lusts.** It strongly promotes the objectification of women (how many centrefolds are fully, if not modestly, clothed and are conducting themselves?) and fails to place women on even footing. 

That's not the freedom and equality for women that feminists of yore were seeking and I'd be willing to bet it's not what the average woman on the street desires. So, feel free to dress up. Make yourself look beautiful, if you so desire, but be conscientious of how and why you do so. At the same time, let's not deride anyone who decides to go to extremes to cover up. Frump is such an ugly word. And men, the same goes for you, too. How we dress and act can be just as bad.

So, there's the good sense. Now, men and women, let us conduct ourselves and clothe ourselves with decency. That means:

• Men, don't look.
• Ladies, please don't show.
• Men, don't show.
• Ladies, don't look.
• Men, compose yourselves as would a gentleman, seeking not one's own benefit at the expense of a lady. (i.e. don't take advantage of a woman)
• Ladies, assume the bearing of ladyhood and act not in a manner provoking ungentlemanly behaviour.
• Men, be a man and don't act in such a way to make a woman act in an unladylike fashion (I mean this in two ways, men: don't provoke her to lust and don't make her feel she has to fight for her life or dignity. If she feels unsafe or is saying "No!", stop!)
• Ladies, please don't act in such a way as to take advantage of a man.

Modesty isn't a set of strictures (oh the irony), but a lifestyle. It's acknowledging the failings of the people around you and acting in such a way as to accommodate and uplift them. If you don't mind drinking alcohol, but you're with someone who does, then don't drink. If you're dining with a Jew or Muslim, don't eat pork. It's common courtesy. I'm just asking that ladies and men would do the same with respect to how they dress and act.

*See Evolution of the Swimsuit, by Jessica Rey

**I'm not saying immodesty causes sexual misdeeds, injustices, exploitations and the like. These cancers stem from a culture of sexual devaluation and "freedom", but they share the same root as much of today's immodesty. So, while immodesty does not cause these issues, it doesn't stand idly by, either.

The Wheel Turns

Today I find myself in a state I cannot truly express with words. What words suffice for the ending of ~10 years of my life? The attention and focus, the wondering about what is to come and searching what has already been written, all of this drawn to a close.

Bittersweet.

The sweetness of culmination, anticipation, and fulfillment, and the bitterness of ending. It's over.

A journey, begun in its inception 29 years ago, it began amassing followers and devotees before I was born. I wove myself into the tapestry soon enough.

To the late Robert Jordan: Thank you. Thank you for sharing your world with us. Thank you for the years of mystery, intrigue, and fantasy. Thank you for the imagination, late nights, and lost sleep.

To Brandon Sanderson: Thank you. You stepped in where the need arose. You fulfilled Jordan's dream and brought us all to a close.

My words cannot express the sentiments in near the fullest form, so I leave with this:

Tai'shar Malkier

Keep the Change

Alright. I know all of you webizens have heard countless rants about poor tippers, why you should tip, how little the restaurant business pays, etc. I know it. I hate them, too, but I want to offer a waiter's soapbox from a different perspective.

First of all, I want to note two trends. This may just be me, but hey.

People who pay in cash tend to tip by rounding up to the nearest currency increment (if it's only a buck or two, to the 5 above it) and saying, "keep the change", or just leaving before the waiter can return with the change.

People who pay with a gift card, if the entire tab is on the card, will either tip well in cash or on the card, but if there is a remainder, will usually only tip according to the remainder.

Both of those irritate me. To you credit/debit card patrons who do the math and usually tip well, congratulations and thank you.

Rant over.

Okay, but what's so important about the tip anyways, if you're not going to rant about income?

One thing (two, if you call yourself a Christian - it's one of the best ways to exemplify Christianity to the very secular world of waitroning).

Most restaurants want the best servers and will usually reward the best servers with more shifts and larger floor sections (basically, more chances to earn tips, squared).

How do they do this? By tracking two sets of numbers.

The first goes by a different name depending on your restaurant (mine calls it a GHI (gracious hospitality index)). This number is the average amount spent by one of your patrons. It's basically a measure of how well you can sell the expensive stuff. Can you coax someone from a coke and a burger to a handcrafted strawberry lemonade and a prime burger? If you can, this number will be high.

So, on a side note, please be patient when we suggest some of the more expensive menu items. We're not just trying to jack up the bill (though that is the easiest way to get a higher tip, usually).

The second is the average tip percentage. Pretty self-explanatory. It usually is a decent indicator of how well you can get the patron to like you/how good you are at serving.

What happens, then, is the boss looks at the numbers in comparison to the others and basically decides, "Okay, Jim has the 3rd highest GHI. Let's give him 6 tables tonight. Well, make that 5, since his tips are hanging around 14%. Now Jill, her GHI's not the best, but her tips, 21%! She's good. I'll give her 7 tables. She's capable enough to handle it."

Now, yes, the manager usually knows the waiters by more than name and numbers, but GHI and % are reliable indicators of a server's ability to sell and wow.

So, I ask you, not on the platform of wanting more money lining our pockets, but on the platform of wanting more chances to try to line our pockets, please treat us [your waiters] well*.

Oh, and if you're ever passing through Lynchburg, VA, take a moment to pop in and visit Ruby Tuesday. Who knows, I might be your server.

*(I'd recommend 18-20% as a guideline for standard, considering today's economy and most restaurants' goals)

That one thing...

You know that experience when you're planning everything out and it all looks good on paper; then, one thing - only one thing - doesn't quite work out the way you'd planned?

Welcome to the club.

My summer plans had 3 prongs to it:

• get a job, 
• find an apartment, 
• volunteer at the local hospital. 

Pretty simple. All 3 came together before the semester ended. Great.

So everything worked out, right?

Yes. For the most part.

• I have a job
• I have an apartment
• I'm now fully set up to volunteer at the hospital

So, what's the hitch?

Well, I took a week off after the semester ended, which happened to coincide with the middle of my work training. Now, you might say that's stupid, but it's not - I had to be off campus by a certain date, which was a little less than a week before I could move into my apartment.

So I told my bosses. They knew and accepted it, said I could finish training when I returned, which I did. Now, here's the hitch: The shift manager is heading on her vacation, so she wisely decided to plan the next few weeks, a very prudent, understandable move. When she was planning them just happened to coincide with the week I was away, halfway through training.

The result: I'm not officially scheduled for the next week/2 weeks. Oh, I can pick up shifts, but right now, I'm only a host and, for those of you who aren't familiar with restaurant staffing, there's only 1, maybe 2 hosts in a shift.

That means there are already few shifts available and fewer people who're likely to drop a shift.

So that's my life right now. I'm paying rent, gas, and food; I'm busy volunteering, preparing for med school; and I'm employed, but have no work. Please be praying that I could pick up a few shifts.

Prayer for Boston

God,

I know You know what has happened recently throughout the world, but I want to pray on behalf of one particular event. I cannot fathom what happened yesterday. It doesn't make sense to me. Why would somebody/-ies try to kill a large number of innocents? I don't know, but I know that You, God, are sovereign and that, like with Joseph, the Israelites in Egypt, and the persecutions of the church, You will ultimately bring good from this evil of man's doing.

Lord, I want to pray first for the victims still living. I thank You that they are still alive. I ask that You would heal them. I ask that You would reach into their lives and bring not only physical healing, but spiritual healing, too. I ask that You would show them your grace, mercy, and love; that You would move them to be able to forgive their attackers.

Next, Lord, I pray for the doctors working furiously to save those in critical condition. I know many have been lost, but I ask, for those still living, that You would give the doctors wisdom and discernment, that they would be able to clearly assess the trauma and treat it.

God, I pray for the victims' families. I cannot imagine the pain of families grieving lost ones or dealing with the coarse adjustment of disability, surgery, or even indefinite hospitalization. I ask that you would provide for these families. I ask that not only would their physical and monetary needs be met, but that You would gather to them those able to meet their emotional and spiritual needs, God. I ask that any bitterness and resentment be replaced with grace and forgiveness and that, through this trauma, You would bring these families to you and ultimately to salvation.

I pray for the law enforcement. I ask that You would reveal the clues leading to the identities and whereabouts of the culprits. I ask that You would protect them in their search and that, ultimately, true, fair justice may be administered.

Lastly, Lord, I pray for the priests, ministers, deacons, and pastors of Boston. I ask that You would move their hearts to compassion, that they would mobilize their congregations to show Your love to the victims and their families. I ask that their hearts would be open to Your urgings and that they would take the opportunity to speak Your truth to the city in a loving, merciful manner. I ask that they might exemplify Your grace and shine Your light into the community such that people are drawn to You, like moths to a flame.

Lord, I ask that You would receive all glory and honour in the aftermath of this disaster and that many would see You truly for the first time and come before You, bowing their knees.

I ask all of this in Your name.

Amen

The Gay Dilemma

Alright. While I detest bandwagons and decry Facebook movements as ineffectual and inane, I think it's time to weigh in on the issue at hand.

On marriage: I hold to the Biblical model of marriage: one man & one woman. for those of you willing to point out that homosexuality, bestiality, and polygamy are all mentioned in the Bible, I must point out that such actions have consequences, which are also mentioned in the Bible.

On homosexuality: Yes, I think it's wrong, sinful, and a perversion, but I'm not going to shove it in your face. I'm not going to use slurs and insults or make jokes. Some of my past, high school teachers are gay. Being gay does not make someone less of a person in my eyes, rather, they hold the same status to me as do all others and, like all others, they've made a wrong choice.


Jesus came and met with liars, adulterers, murderers, drunkards, extortionists, and more. He showed them love and compassion, true, as should I, but he also spoke out against their sin. Similarly, as a follower of Christ, I am called to love, but also to speak out against sin.


Speaking out against sin doesn't mean preaching hellfire and damnation. Rather, Paul exhorts Christians to grow in maturity, "speaking the truth in love." (Eph. 4:15)


So, consider this my ultimatum: I uphold the biblical model of marriage and disapprove of homosexuality, but I will not allow my views on homosexuality to infringe upon the manner with which I engage with individuals who are gay, pro-gay, or anti-gay.


End. Of. Story.

Difficult Battlefields

I had an encouraging conversation with a friend today. What made it encouraging? Well, we were conversing about ministry in the future.

You see, he's a Pastoral Leadership student from an affluent, upper-class background who wants to minister specifically to upper-class individuals in "post-Christian" nations.

You can stop staring at the screen like I'm crazy.

"But isn't he supposed to forsake all riches and go dig sewage ditches in India for Jesus?"

Only if God calls him to, which, as much as was apparent, He hadn't.

Now, as for why I'm encouraged: compared to reaching affluent individuals, particularly of my generation, in developed countries, evangelizing to the poor, impoverished, and malnourished is almost like comparing a multiplication quiz to integral calculus.

Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't minister to the poor, because we should. We're called to do so  as Christians. What I'm saying is that it's a completely different ballgame and here are a few reasons why:

• The needs to be met are often not physical and not apparent, hidden by many layers
• You need to discern and address the individual's philosophy
• You need to be able to think on your feet - there are many stock arguments used to tie up Christians in logical fallacies
• You need to be able to refute the most recent pop philosophy, atheist argument, or evolutionary discovery
• You need to be able to stand your own in both a formal and an informal debate
• You need to be able to conduct yourself and converse at the appropriate level (the upper crust can be very particular about its ways, many of which don't quite fit with Christianity, but anyone trying to spread the Gospel must be aware of and fluent in these nuances)
• Having successfully shown yourself as a well-educated member of society, you may have been allowed a step closer into confidence - don't mess up now.
• Is there any resistance to religion/Christianity? Subtly address it without religious arguments

Finally, after going through all of these hoops, and more, after having refuted and addressed their intellectual strongholds and beliefs, once you have cleared away the dross, then you may begin to use the Bible.

As you can see, it takes a very unique individual to reach the higher strata of society, strata which are comprising a larger and larger percentage of the Western world while becoming more and more areligious. 

So, yes, I'm encouraged. I'm encouraged because I see that God has called and equipped him to a difficult battlefield, a battlefield more mental than physical.