Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Status Change

There comes a time in a young man's life when a certain member of the opposite gender catches his eye...

Okay, enough with the dry, dusty Life Orientation lesson... Basically, I'm now in a dating relationship and we're taking it seriously.

It's become so common recently for people to date/marry then break up shortly afterwards. I mean, it was only a few months ago that Kim and whatshisname married and a few days later divorced. I look at all of this and wonder sometimes, "Why?" Why do so many people fall in love and call it quits as though they were changing clothes?

I look and see it stemming from a problem of perception. The perception, or more accurately, misperception, is that a relationship ultimately exists to satisfy "me".

Right now, at that statement, many would decry this saying, "You misjudge me!" or, "You judge too harshly"

Yes, I judge harshly. A relationship should be and is a serious matter. Let me give my justification:

  1. A relationship is about more than the "feeling". That feeling of love, attraction, affection that you have/had, it will fade, hopefully to give way to something greater, with work. Isn't this such a selfish motive, pursuing a relationship for how it makes you feel? Yet, many people fall into the feeling trap, breaking up because they don't feel the same way anymore.
  2. A relationship is mutual. Many times people going into a relationship expecting to be served, but not prepared to serve. That is commensalism (one benefits, the other is neither benefited nor harmed) at best, but usually it tends to become parasitic (one benefits, the other is harmed). Again, this is selfishness.
  3. A relationship requires manipulation. No, not the maneuvering, scheming, destructive manipulation, but manipulation as in work, effort, and problem solving. Relationships take work, yet so often people expect to not have to do work and be able to sit back with everything given to them. Again, selfishness.
Okay, so that's my rant about relationships. Now, for those of you expecting me to do a flipside and talk about what relationships are, go and re-read the three M's. Yeah, that's right, I just killed two birds with one (okay, three) stone.

So, my challenge to both the reader and myself: Build a good relationship with my girlfriend (or you with your significant other) by being committed beyond the feelings, giving equal to what I'm receiving, and working to strengthen the relationship.